Friday, October 31, 2008

bitch-fight over baskin

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
i dont anymore

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*runs to a small corner and cry*


madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*slaps mich*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*pulls her hair*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*snatches baskin*

*takes baskin back and throws ice cream on ur face*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*cubit mich till she cries*

*cubit mad harder till blue black and the mark stays dere forever*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*punches mich till her fake nose breaks*

lol wtf!!

*bitch fight wit mad till her fake silicon boobs comes off*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*maddy shall win d bitch fight cz her REAL boobies will NEVER come off*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:

*maddy thought she'l win but instead she lost cos her boobies DID come off but she didnt realise it til ppl told her*!!

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*maddy will then bitch slap,bitch cubit&pulls mich's hair till she constipates in pain*

*mich says dat wil never happen cos maddy alrready lost big time!! and ntg can defeat the mighty mich*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*den mich went off to live in own lil bubble that she can be mighter den maddy till maddy pops her lil bubble*

madelliscious: Marriage is a licence to have sex while love is a reason to get a chick laid says:
*maddy da great shall rule FOREVER*


now can somebody please fly to baskin and get me ice-cream?
please please pretty please?
*puppy eyed face*


current obsession:

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

~happy diwali~


this year i went over to mainland to join janisha for deepavali!
lols it was not just me....its me and a gazillion other college friends went as well. 5 cars actually.
michelle the blackie was the navigator....(and she is the 'best' navigator you can ever find) *shudders* haha....just kidding la... michelle, jeshua, peng chooi, eugene and roger drove.
i was in peng chooi and jeshua's car.... lols i joined jeshua's car once we reach michelle's place.
we took roughly 30 mins from island to reach mainland.

i shall let the pictures do all the talking now :)

thats the whole bunch of us at janisha's.

then we went over to the new huge-arse shopping complez (im-sorry-but-i-dont-know-the-name-so-lets-just-call-it-the-new-jusco)

everyone was just sitting around hanging at starbucks while me and tracy did a lil shopping =)

and thats the last group picture before mich left to go back to penang island.

off we went to autocity!
it was my first time there.
very chic place.
AUTOCITY here i come after finals =)
we were walking around, roger was the tourguide,
and then we finally settled for roxbury.

first they stole the egg from the egg lorry
then they cam-whored with the egg
next they played with the egg
finally the poor egg broke.

Look at my oh-so-shiny hair! and i won chor tai ti twice in a row! whee!

can someone teach me how to crop that dungu's face outta this very nice pic?

final group picture before we depart for our lil penang island which every islanders is proud to call home.


let me introduce two very eligible and single bachelors that i know =)

please vote, which is more retarded:


paralympics gold medalist for swiming event,
mr eugene teow,
who is fondly known as gene or john's twin
( i personally cannot handle two johns in my life so gene please please PLEASE do not turn into tzouen's clone please!)

and is famous for his favourite word, 'whatever'.


mr 81,
mr danny khoo kah keat,

who is an avid photographer

who loves to annoy me to my toes.

my take: mr danny khoo is more retarded.

do not be offended kays peeps?
you know i love you both!
madeline khaw!

Friday, October 24, 2008

highest point of DISTED life *smiles*

from left to right: leykkha, janisha,andy,tracy, michelle,chia chyn,joey,ME,joshua,kamz,eelynn,jeshua,jenny,flo,lai boon,chia ming.


the end of another chapter of my life. i did not regret that i have chose SAM. im happy that i went to disted. so many memories that were made. i can still remember vividly the 1st day of college. i was feeling so lost and lonely in front of DISTED library. the only clique of friends i know was my hengtais and they were at at A levels. and then boy i was glad when i see familiar faces of CGL-ians in was pure joy to see jiali, rachel, joann, jenny and seokwoen there.

soon as time goes by,
more of as time FLEW, made more new friends. i have my regular lunch babes. triple Ms and double Ds madeline.mable.mindy.syndee. i dont know what connects us. but hell ya we sure click well right from the start. and i was the only SAM student in that clique. the rest are from Alevels and were all from chinese school. hahaha i didnt know me the complete banana could end up being such good friends with chinese school students.

and ahhh i met more new people. new friends for life. new shopping partners. new boozie peeps. new gossip girls & guys, new lame jokers, new nuisance, new 'cuci-mata' kakis, new lepak-ers, new study group, new computer-helpers and more new FRIENDS...

to tracy and 3 spastics gang plus ONGEE LYNN.... why didnt i meet you guys sooner?

to nigel,lai boon, jeshua, 'bart' and d girls.... i wish i could've known you guys more!

to andy,
glad to meet ya!

flo and kamz!
i wish we can just sit and talk talk talk talk TALK!

may pengchooi danny and the biggest gang ever,

i would take forever to name you all
but u guys had made my college life just a tad sweeter! missing ya all already!!!!


WHITE FRIDAY 24.10.2008

last day of college already! my first class was maths! had maths pop quiz again but most of us were busy signing cards and taking photos of virtually everything. and when miss geong said class was over,for once nobody rushed to the door. everyone were hanging around taking MORE pictures and chit-chatting with everyone. i took more pictures in the 300B classroom than i did in prom... lols... cameras were clicking everywhere...

then EVERYONE headed to PRONTIP restaurant for luncheon with the lecturers. at first i estimated about 30 people will be coming but omg in the end we have 56 people for the luncheon. i never expected so many people will turn up. the lecturers who joined us for the luncheon were DR TEO (chem), MISS JENNY (ESL), MISS GEONG (maths), MRS ALLEN (accounts) and MISS LUCY (psychology). wish MISS LAI (bio) could've have joined us =(

WHEE im such a good party organizer eh? *smirks*

im sure everyone had fun at PRONTIP! after the cake cutting ceremony, i joined tracy, abby, eelynn, flo, kamz, marcus, joshua, deeps and calby to STARBUCKS at gurney tower. we were just sitting around chit-chatting. ahhh i had my ice-blended GREEN TEA after such a long time.
and abby's carrot cake rocks my socks off! (all i ask for my birthday pressie from abby is a cake! =)

at 3pm we all rushed to JENNY's cake house to get a farewell cake for MR LAI....the physics lecturer who is never bored of boring us in his class..i decided to get cheese cake again! mich even made a lil video for him...ahhh....( i went to jenny's 3 times in a week and i had cake for like 6 times this week?)

'blackie ar....why was i everywhere in that video?lols you love me dont cha?'


drumroll please.....



we climbed up the fences, climbed over huge ass air conditioning ventilator and climbed up to the balcony on top of the ROOF of DISTED hall during physics break! Even the president saw us and was cool with it, but call us to come down because he saw blackie and janisha 'behaving dangerously' on the tiles of the roof!

What to do, we're so fly!
(influenced by calby!)


Thursday, October 23, 2008

of blue blacks,screams,tears&farewells

Snippets of this week:


happy birthday penny chuah peng chooi!

best birthday ever eh?

i bet you love us!

miss lai, the biology lecturer, did something very very very sweet for us. she made us a lil notebook with personalized pictures & words, a CD of pictures of the year & a list of dreams of dreams and aspirations that we wrote in the beginning of the year. nearly cried. ahh..i'll miss her =(

TUESDAY 21.10.2008

last chem lecture!
dr teo aka ninja turtle! i'll miss everything abt chem class.

the whole class shared 2 bottles of wine for him...a red and a white....
whee and i was d smarty pants who picked it...
the moment he saw it he went 'good wine, good wine!'

had lunch with deepak, joshua, marcus and eelynn...(my 'tracy& gang' clique of friends)
will miss u guys la...

but we shall still partay after finals kays! and a roadtrip babeh!!


miss lai's farewell....i picked cheesecake from jenny's whee!
we bought her a cake, a mega-huge card and a lil tshirt for her baby joel which says 'mummy's little superhero!'
and we all made a lil scrap-book for her... nearly moved everyone of us to tears.

had lunch with the cgl clique.... ahh my cgl chicks stood by me all these time... they are the people that keep me sane! <3

and then it was farewell for miss jenny the english lecturer
ahhh i was glad that she threw me into the best ESL group ever seriously....
im gonna miss all of them so much


nigel: tennis coming up yea? that's only place that allowed to bully me!=) l
ai boon: STOP VAINING!

'bart' yoong chuin: ALRIGHT bart! ahh come to penang often and join our lil tennis club kays?
siew hau: STOP DOTA-ing n get a hair cut =)
calby: i feel lk doing macarena now....wanna join me?hahhaha
chia chyn: keep in touch k? *smiles*


though at first i was begging miss jenny to not put me with you boys cause u were all boys (yes maddy is afraid of boys...especially quiet boys like you people) but oh my, they are NOT quiet at all and they are the most awesome people....(dont kembang eh) i can really go on and on about how much my ESL group rocked my world but i shall stop now...lols.


had maths pop quiz

i was the unlucky one =.=' l

had lunch with may, peng chooi, janisha, mich, tzouen, danny, eugene, kwen, lst, juanita and roger...

that's my other clique of friends...

and then i went out to gurney again with tzouen,yuwei,chungkhye,choonchiat and tingen to teman them to have their lunch after their ALEVELS chem exam...(thats the 'hengtai' clique)
the boys were well being silly AS USUAL. they played the stupid 'hit the crocodile' game =.= and then alyn joined us when the boys were looking for shirts.


7 of us were in the car. tzouen was busy playing with his car...the memorable good old mercedes which was fondly known as PBU 90 (now its PEN 893?) because its gonna be sold off on tuesday so this will be the last time all of us were gonna squeeze in that car...ahh so many sweet memories of that car la...

and then yuwei who was sitting in front threw the stupid boxing glove at me...and then i hit him...he hit me....i hit him....he hit me...till in the end we both ended up with bruises all over.NO KIDDING.
my left arm is still red now. its stinging like crazy even as i type this and i have 4 FOUR blue black marks on my left arm...stupid si to pui yuwei ended up with a very red right arm, two blue blacks, and four red patches on his lower back... and so we call it even now...lols... babi la u si to pui wei.... i throw egg at u ar!

and tracy darling i love you la...i really wasnt crying during physics...i was tear-ing cz i have an over-active tear glands so when i yawn tears will was so damn funny to hear you, joshua, deeps and calby coming up with theories of why i cried and you passing me tissue and you all apologizing....wahhahaha....havent you guys noticed that my tears will always flow whenever i yawn? that why chia chyn was laughing lk a crazy nut =D hahahaha

so tracy khong mei san sorry for tricking ya and making you guilty eh? your ma sweet lil biatch that have the same fashion taste as me... how can i stay angry at you for a long time babe? hahaha...

and omg babe i forgot to blog about that awesome 70s birthday bash you had at my place!

WHITE FRIDAY 24.10.2008

i am so looking forward to luncheon with the lecturers tomorrow

im such a good party planner eh? =)
*claps for me!*


im sorry that i have just known some of you guys

im sorry that i never spend enough time with those i started college with
im sorry that i took you guys for granted
im sorry if i havent been there when you guys needed me
im sorry if i have abandoned any of you guys
im sorry to that im late specially for morning classes
(and practically every other class lol)
im sorry if i had been TOO noisy,
TOO rude,
TOO loud,
TOO vain,
TOO demanding,
TOO unproductive,
TOO anything.
i truly cherish each and every friendship i had made in college
and those i had strengthen through college.
You people really made a change in my life and have all left footprints in my heart.
i really hate to say goodbye.

*edited d*
happy now people?

Monday, October 20, 2008

black monday!

i did something new today =)
i experimented something new...
thats to try to have lunch in the cafeteria all by myself...
as stupid as this may sound, i have NEVER ever tried that before...
but maddy ate a plate of miserable fried tomyam maggi mee all alone in the cafeteria...
lols everyone was dropping by and asking:

'Maddy, are who waiting for someone?'
'Maddy, who are you having lunch with today?'
'Maddy, not going out meh?'
'Maddy, why are you alone?'

hahaha.... oh wells people dont worry...
maddy just needed to try having lunch on her own today
well, it was not as fun as i have expected....but i survived....and i managed to finish biology 2005 paper! yay! so eating lunch alone is good because i can finish up my work and actually study...
but ahh i would prefer company.... i need more laughters and lame jokes to brighten up my day.

so, lunch anyone?

*pictures and more updates coming up! SOMEONE GOT CAKE-D!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

the other girl

ahh had a 'lovely' buffet lunch at berjaya hotel with eelynn, abigail, deepak and joshua. it was sucky. lols... but the great company made up for it. =)


and then went back to college and started to work on the bloody physics presentation which is due tomorrow.

good news of the day:


ahh JOY XD

but i still need to work on the presentation =(

and then after physics i went out with tannie.

we were supposed to go gurney and island plaza to save time so that i can study but in the end that idiot decided to go queensbay. that sneaky lil fellow only told me that we were going to queens when i had entered the car. =(

we were busy running around shopping for some UNIMPORTANT stuff for some people who doesnt matter to me =.='

oh wells...thats what friends are for right?
he was there when i needed him...
so here i am doing the same...
so superhero, now you can call me your supergirl =)

so as he was parking his precious lil baby which he claims that its his FIRST car (when it was actually his third),
memories of him teaching me how to drive and park was flashing through my head...
ahhh...finally i had the chance to laugh at him like how he used to laugh at me when he was teaching me....
hahahaha... and omg he scratched his baby while trying to park in that lil spot =(

haha thanks for fetching me in your big-arse baby cause you sayang me more than your baby aite? (his words eh, im not that perasan =)

that's tannie trying to camwhore XD

thats a very pretty drink from noodle station which we ended up going because
sushi king was TOO FULL

he isnt that camera-shy anymore =)
and he cant eat the chciken drumstick properly

introducing tannie's baby: NISSAN FAIRLADY =)

thats me when im too bored

and thats us again before i went off to coffee bean.

to tannie: i feel your pain, i really feel your pain...

and now here i am trying to do physics presentation at island plaza coffee bean.

ahh....wish me luck peeps!


ahh im internet-less for the past few days d....
i have got no idea wad d hell is wrong with my laptop....
it goes 'invalid IP address' each time it is connected to the wi-fi.
any computer genius would like to help me?
please please pretty please?
(im sure all of you know that madeline is a complete buta IT person)
i cannot do any assignments at home now =(

and oh maddy is getting more hyper nowadays
no idea why...

Monday, October 13, 2008



1. playing in a string quartet with rebecca chng
2.spending time with my friends
3.reading storybooks
4.watching movies
5.hitting the gym
8.dipping myself in my pool
9.wasting my time away literally doing nothing
11.talking on the phone
12.catching up with all the babes and hengtais
14.chilling with different college cliques ( i'll miss each and everyone of you! =( )
16.having heart-to-heart talks with ting and ying
17.having deep conversations with whoever that matters
18.planning for year end holidays
19.being emo
20.taking time-out just to pamper myself
21.catching that jazz jam @ g-spot
22.missing out on parties
23.hanging out and arguing with mummy and manja-ing with grams sessions!
25.'cuci-mata' sessions
27.feeling and looking hot and pretty XD
28.reading mags
29.practicing violin
30.searching for more performance for violin
31.putting 110% into teaching those lil kids
32.having that fine-dining experience that i have been longing for a friggin long time
33.catching a local theater production
34. letting my hair down and be SILLY
35. tennis with nigel&raymondang (haha i dont care if you dont give me face!)
36.going to random places
37.watching TV

i must be as strong as the snake! =p

in short,

im sorry if i've been a bitch around you
but im not saying sorry to YOU

Saturday, October 11, 2008

tagged again =)

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If it was the last night on earth with your past, what would you do?
I would spend the night with those who matters =)

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Hmmm... refer to the post below *smiles dreaming*

3. Do you have a malicious mind and how bad does it goes?
DO I? *puppy eyes*

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
WOW!!! money, money, money....... OMG....i love MONEY...

5. Pretty but fat/Ugly but slim, which one would you prefer?
Pretty but fat. heehee

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone.

7. Is there anyone that you've waited and how did it last?
Yes, and it was no fun =( but whee im over it =)

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
attached d mer...can split wan...even if they are married oso can divorce eh =)

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
Actor.. Like hugh grant... HAHAHAHHAA....i love his oh-so-sexay-british accent

10. Will you invite for Ex bf/gf to your wedding dinner? d kinda d forgive-and-forget kinda girl =)

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
refer to the post below =)

12. What's your fear?
Losing someone that matters...losing myself =/

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
HMMM....alot of people tagged me...well, pengchooi is a very very NICE guy...

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and rich =) at least i noe that my LVs and GUCCIs will always be loyal and honest to me =)

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Sleep back again =D

16. What kinda girlfriend do you think you are?
PERFECT...i can be naughty and nice....i can go for coffee with you or picnic....i can have fun or have serious talks...i can be the princess or the girl next door...i can be everything but i'll always be on the same level with not ever try to keep me at home and expect me to wait on you =)

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
the one who loves me more =)

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done? a forgiving person...but do not try to mess with me kays...nobody can be a bigger biatch than maddy when maddy decides to be one XD

19.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
everytime has its time and i'll just go with the flow =)

20.List 8 people to tag


grabbed from lynn's blog

p/s- im gonna be a rich tai tai with a happy family and my husband will be my superhero that will find me perfect and gladly worship the ground that i step on and yes i will love him very much and hold on his hand everywhere i go and those 'office ladies ' in the picture will die of envy when they see me as a successful lawyer or dentist,with two very cute kids ( a boy and a lil girl with pigtails) and a very dashing husband who owns his business empire and has THICK EYEBROWS =)

hahaha.... now peeps laugh all you want...but my dream will come true =) lets just wait and see... my knight in shining armour is on his way XD



to josh: dont stealing my shit and my old-school specs u arse... n jazz jam next year kays? lets keep an eye for any open gigs or something like that...glad to have met you lame of meeting people lame-r than me *hearts*

haha...see others portrayed you as a geek but i portrayed you
as that boozie that u are =)

to von: girl ur legal like a free butterfly kays? *muacks*

remember this pic? chingyu's cny '08

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

with nothing but your tshirt on

Hey, ohh, let me tell you no.
Oh baby.
Trying to decide,
trying to decide if I, really wanna go out tonight.
I never use to go out without you,
I'm not sure I remember how to.
I'm gonna be late gonna be late but,
all my girls gonna have to wait cause,
I don't know if I like my outfit.
I tried everything in my closet.

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you,
sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos.
Taking them off cause I feel a fool,
trying to dress up when I'm missing you.
Ima step out of this lingerie,
curl up in a ball with something Hanes.
In that I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on.
Oh, with nothing but your t-shirt on.

Hey, gotta be strong gotta be strong
but I'm, really hurting now that you're gone.
I thought maybe I'd do some shopping,
but I didn't get past the door and,
now I don't know now I don't know if I'm,
ever really gonna let you go and I,
couldnt even leave my appartment.
I'm stripped down torn up about it.

Trying to decide,
trying to decide if I,
really wanna go out tonight.
I couldn't even leave my appartment,
I'm stripped down torn up about it.

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you,
sick of this dress and these jimmy choos.
Taking them off cause I feel a fool,
trying to dress up when I'm missing you.
Ima step out of this lingerie,
curl up in a ball with something hanes.
In that I lay.

Hey hey, nothing feels right when I'm not with you.
Sick of this dress and these jimmy choos.
Taking them off cause I feel a fool,
trying to dress up when I'm mising you.
Ima step out of this lengerie,
curl up in a ball with something hanes.
In that I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on.
In nothing but your t-shirt on


grounding myself till mid-nov
due to finals la kays,
dont worry maddy is not heartbroken this time =)
however im still free for lunches if you guys miss me too much
im just a call away
but please do not tempt me with
any movies,
late night outings,
clubbing sessions,
or any other activities that includes the word FUN.
i'll be MIA
miss me peeps!

*goodnight happy world,hello books!*

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

adios for now sister!

a wall of memories,
a thousand screams, fun and laughters,
you will come home soon
to a thousand more laughters, giggles and sisterly-connection-and-bonding-sessions!
have a safe journey

there, go and have fun with ting in aussie!

hugs and kisses!

Friday, October 3, 2008

happy 18th to jeshua!

1st October 2008

Went over to queens with Jenny and Joann to hunt for jeshua’s birthday present.

Met up with Tracy, Deepak and Joshua. Then we all went around like crazy people trying to find a present for Jeshua who is a complete football fan. So, the ever oh-so-smart me dragged them to Nike and then the oh-so-smart me found a very nice red Manchester United tshirt@jersey. Whee!!! And the boys got him a Man U football!!! See, we know what you love, Jeshua!

Then we head over to jeshua’s house for the party. Jenny had a lil accident along the way but aiks nevermind about that. As long as we all got there safely!

Had loads of fun in the party. Ate and bullied the boys. And then we girls sit and talked. Then we played HEART ATTACK with HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL UNO cards…(=.=)’ and oh I played chess after two whole years of not touching any chess pieces. Ahh… im so rusty d =/ after I lost the game I abandoned the boys and ran away merajuk-ing to the girls. Haha…

The highlight of the night will be the cake cutting ceremony =)

We didn’t have the usual cake and instead we had two chocolate cakes with a dozen of lollipops stuck on it. Haha…Michelle d blackie, Lai Boon and Nigel’s brainchild XD
I nearly fainted when I saw the cake.

Hahaha. Not my usual gang but nevertheless this bunch of people had made my college life a tad more colourful. And I am happy to be able to know all this people. Im sorry that I haven’t been able to really get close to them. Im sorry that I haven’t been able to know what are their favourite colours and other likes and dislikes. But yes I am thankful that I met this special bunch of people, who are fun and funny XD

To Nigel: you are such a safe driver, I didn’t scream at all while you drive. Thanks =)

Here are some pics from the birthday party!


Have a blessed year ahead of ya!

its ironic that im the centre of attention when im not even the birthday boy =.=

you people just love me so much, dont ya?

And then after the party I went to UPR at about 12-ish? Wasn’t really in the mood. Didn’t even dress up or apply make-up. I felt so fugly and life-less that night. My mission of the night was to accompany wenlin. So i clubbed for a while with wenlin,mab and tingen.We were all busy walking in and out of the MOIS to find missing people. It was very POTONG STIM. So in the end, we gave up and went over to SS with Christ, Tingen, Carmen, and those three other dudes.




i promise myself not to drink and I DIDNT! =)

Sorry to yuwei for abandoning ya =p

Then fetched tingen home, chilled at Green House for a while, and finally reached home at 5.30am. Ahh… this time mum nearly slaughtered me… And I woke up to the voice of an equally as sleepyhead as me and went out again at 11ish in the morning to gurney plaza with karmun and yuhting. I am a supergirl, aint i? =)

my eyebags are getting heavier! =(


trying to get my piorities straight,
stop being a supergirl,
its time to settle down,
and start studying.
last chance for you to get this right.
do not screw this up.
you owe at least this much to yourself,
you deserve so much more,
you will get so much more.